girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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