I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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