Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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