I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
