My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
