I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
