I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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