In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
even my farts smell like vagina
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't turn off my feet"
My penis needs a shock collar
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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