Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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