So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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