Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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