So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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