this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
