I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
