the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
