this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
