he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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