Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
