That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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