i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
