It's Friday. Sex?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
