apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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