she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They are going to name an STD after you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
