My nipple is on Facebook.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
