If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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