If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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