i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
