so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
