You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
