watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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