too bad you live with your parents still
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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