I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
