I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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