i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Actions speak louder than pants.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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