Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
