Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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