dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
