i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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