and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
