so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
