Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
