Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
