Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Actions speak louder than pants.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
