dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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