also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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