I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
