My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
