I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
