The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
