Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
