So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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