Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You took a bar mat shot.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
